Power of Authenticity and Speaking Directly about Our Feelings
Ever catch yourself thinking, "I better keep quiet to avoid a fight" or "something's up with my partner, but I'll just play it safe..."? If your blank-filling solution doesn't involve openly discussing what's on your mind, chances are you're not really speaking directly from the heart. Expressing your true feelings can be tricky. Sometimes, we're not even sure what those feelings are. And even when we do know, fear of rejection or vulnerability can keep us from sharing.
Let's be honest; talking about our feelings isn’t always fun, and it a lot of the times it’s hard to see the value. Furthermore, we think we're being open, but it comes off as blame. A good rule of thumb, is anything starting with "you..." or “I feel that you…” can sound accusatory.
So that is the tricky part, even when we think we are talking about our feelings, a lot of times we are talking about our own assessment of our feelings. Semantics? There is a difference between talking about our feelings and intellectualizing our feelings. Because there is a difference, the outcomes will be different. The partner that we are speaking to will receive the information differently. Talking about our emotions, increases our chances of eliciting an empathetic response from our partner. While a talk about our feelings, invites the listening partner to give an intellectual response.
When we communicate our feelings directly, it's like inviting someone into our emotional world. This openness creates a stronger sense of intimacy and trust in our relationships. According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2018), those who openly express emotions with their partners report higher relationship satisfaction and a deeper emotional connection.
I hear this a lot, “I’m just not that emotional”. Everyone, has emotions, of course we express them differently, but our core emotion is part of our authentic self. Expressing feelings directly requires some self-reflection and awareness. As we put our emotions into words, we gain a better understanding of ourselves and what makes our emotions tick. This self-awareness can lead to personal growth and improved emotional regulation, as seen in a study published in the Journal of Psychological Science (2016).
Now, let's break down why speaking directly about our feelings is such a game-changer:
Reduced Misunderstandings:
When we beat around the emotional bush or avoid discussing feelings, misunderstandings become more likely. Clear and honest expression minimizes the chances of our intentions being misread, making communication more effective. A study in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology (2017) found that direct emotional expression reduced misunderstandings and improved communication accuracy.
Strengthened Conflict Resolution:
Conflicts happen, but addressing them head-on by talking about our feelings fosters a constructive environment. Research published in the Journal of Family Communication (2019) emphasizes that direct emotional communication during conflicts leads to more productive discussions and better resolution outcomes.
Emotional Release and Stress Reduction:
Bottling up emotions can lead to distress and increased stress. Expressing feelings directly acts as a healthy emotional release, offering relief and promoting emotional well-being. According to a study in the Journal of Health Psychology (2015), regular emotional expression correlates with reduced stress levels and an overall improvement in mental health.
Building Authentic Connections:
Authenticity is the glue of genuine relationships. Speaking directly about feelings allows us to be vulnerable and genuine, fostering trust and creating a safe space for others to do the same. This nurtures authentic connections and emotional bonds.
Conclusion:
Speaking directly about our feelings is a transformative practice that enriches our lives and relationships. It enhances emotional connection, deepens self-awareness, reduces misunderstandings, and strengthens conflict resolution. Additionally, it provides a healthy outlet for emotional release and contributes to building authentic connections with others.
So, it might feel uncomfortable or challenging at first, but embracing direct emotional expression is a crucial step towards personal growth and more fulfilling relationships. As we hone this skill, we open ourselves to the beauty of authentic connections, creating a world where vulnerability is celebrated, and emotional well-being flourishes.
If you’re scared, good, that means you’re on the right track. Of course, talk about your feelings with someone you trust. If you are afraid of your listening partner’s reaction to your feelings, take note of that. That is a subject of another blog post. But for now, self-reflect, identify the emotion and talk openly. Embrace the transformative power of speaking directly about our feelings, and watch how it elevates your relationships and enriches your life.
References:
Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (2018). Love and other feelings: Relationships among love, emotional expressivity, and intimacy. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(7), 953–971.
English, T., & John, O. P. (2016). Understanding the social effects of emotion regulation: The mediating role of authenticity for individual differences in suppression. Journal of Psychological Science, 27(10), 1363–1378.
Chai, K. J., Hwang, J., Hsu, Y. H., & Yuki, M. (2017). When emotion expression is ambiguous: The role of nonverbal cues in inferring feelings from behavior. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 36(6), 667–681.
Schrodt, P., Butler, C. L., & Parry, D. C. (2019). Characteristics of emotional expression during conflict: An extension of emotional intelligence and emotional expression research. Journal of Family Communication, 19(1), 18–29.
Pennebaker, J. W., & Seagal, J. D. (2015). Forming a story: The health benefits of narrative. Journal of Health Psychology, 10(6), 701–717.